The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Trevor Noah, DJ D-Nice)
♪♪ Hi, everyone. Welcome to “The Tonight Show:
At Home Edition.” I want to thank Franny and
Winnie for being the music. Thank you guys so much.
Gary the dog is here. We’re all good.
Alright, that’s good. That’s perfect. That’s great.
Thank you. That’s perfect. Winnie drew this.
Thank you very much, Winnie. This is beautiful.
We have a great show tonight. We have — Trevor Noah
is on the show tonight. Doing amazing stuff
over at “The Daily Show.” Also, DJ D-Nice did a
dance party on Instagram that everyone was talking about. So I interview D-Nice
and find out all the good things
he’s been up to. But first, let’s just start the
show with some jokes. Let’s go.
Hi, guys. Before we get
into our monologue, which is hot off
the presses — ow! — I want to say thank you so much
for watching this show. Thank you, youtube.com. YouTube has been great airing
these shows so so many people can see it early. And, also, if you go to
youtube.com/fallontonight, if you’re there right now or if
you’re watching this on NBC, who also we thank, next to
our link, there’s a “donate” button. That will go to nokidhungry.org. So, that’s the way you
can donate to that, and anything can help. Speaking of helping,
I was thinking about this, and if there’s any way —
Your local food pantry — Google where that is. “Where is my local food pantry?”
They all need help. Right now, out where I am, East
Hampton Food Pantry is desperate for anything
on the shelves. So if you go stocking up,
wherever you are, just get an extra can of soup
and drop it off to — What? -Or a case of soup. -Or a case of — Yeah, well, if
you can get a case of soup. I guess people are buying
things by the cases. Go to Costco and get, like,
a pallet of soup and drop one can off to the — Is that what
you’re saying, honey? Off to the food pantry. So — But anything you can,
really, think about — That’d be great if you could. It’s weird times right now. I’m standing in front of
an odd tree. I don’t even know where I am in
the house, but it’s there, and I’m not going to
talk about it. But I see true colors of
people are coming out, and everyone’s being
very creative now. And it’s kind of a
heartwarming thing to see. There’s also the other side
of people, too, because I was walking my dog
the other day with my camera operator,
who’s my wife. And I don’t walk like this.
What was I doing? So, I was walking normally. And everyone crossing the street because it’s socially
distancing, which is great. But just because you’re doing
that doesn’t mean you don’t have to smile or wave. You can do that. You don’t have to not
be a person. You can be like, “Hello.” You know,
you can do that, can’t you? Can you say “Hello”?
You can do that. “Hey, good to see you.”
I mean, we’re far enough away. We really are.
Like, I’d say more than 6 feet. 12 feet. Anyway, I’m really seeing
everyone being creative on the Internet and everything, and so let’s get to some
monologue jokes right now. And then, after that,
by the way, we’ll do — We’re doing our interviews,
but we also have kind of a “best of” is
what we’re doing. Best of the “The Tonight Show”
this whole week and as long as
we have to do this. So, these are clips
that make you happy and maybe, like, just kind of get that balance back in life. So, you’ll see Bradley Cooper,
Emma Stone. What?! Yes! It’s awesome.
Alright, here we go. Here he is, Jimmy Fallon!
[ Imitates cheering ] Thank you very much.
Welcome to “The Tonight Show.” Oh, I forgot.
My sister gave me a joke. Gloria Fallon,
I’ll give you props for this. She said, “Hey, guys,
a lot of us have entered our second week of quarantine
and hopefully have enough food, water, and skin left on
your hands…from washing. -Good one.
-I know. Now here we go. Welcome to “The Tonight Show,”
everybody, “At Home Edition.” I hope everyone is doing okay.
I had a tough weekend. The governor of New York
declared me the definition of nonessential. Why you do me like that? Well, it’s week two of
self-quarantine, and we’re all feeling cooped up. Today, my Amazon Alexa asked
to give me — sorry — asked me to give it some space. “Please back 6 feet off me.” As if things
aren’t crazy enough, now the weather is insane, as temperatures have
dropped in half. It’s like the weather caught
whatever the stock market has. Honestly, who cares about
the weather, right? We’re all inside anyway. I was watching the news today,
and the weather guy turned to the sports guy and was
like, “Why are we even here?” [ Laughs ] Why are we even here?
To deafening silence. Listen to this, guys. I saw that Audible is now
offering free audiobooks for kids stuck at home. So if Disney+ didn’t hold your
kids’ attention, I’m sure Ben Stein reading
“War and Peace” will do the trick. I heard that Best Buy announced
that they’re now offering curbside service
with no human contact. When they heard, Best Buy’s
Geek Squad was like, “What’s human contact?” This is cool. One of our guests tonight,
DJ D-Nice, hosted a social-distancing
dance party on Instagram Live. That’s right — a
social-distancing dance party, or as it’s also known,
every middle-school dance. I read that since the increase
in toilet-paper shortages, people have been buying
more bidets. Yeah, it can act as a great
substitute for toilet paper and, if you’re really desperate,
a soda stream. [ Laughs ] I learned about an online
toilet-paper — I don’t know.
Why is that funny? I read about —
Oh, I heard about an online
toilet-paper calculator that tells you how long
your supply will last. So if you think you’re bored,
imagine being the guy who just created an online
toilet-paper calculator. [ Laughs ] This is crazy. I saw that Germany
has now banned gatherings of more than two people. Yep, a two-person gathering or,
as it’s known in Russia, a 40th high-school reunion. [ Russian accent ]
We only ones who make it. Our classmates were the foundation of
this school…literally. They’re in the foundation.
They’re in the cement somewhere. [ Normal voice ]
And, finally, this is amazing. I read that the movie
“Pretty Woman” hit theaters 30 years ago today. Do you remember that? Not “Pretty Woman.”
I mean going to a movie theater. That’s our monologue, everybody.
What?! -Whoo-hoo! -Now it’s time to do a bit that
we normally do on the show where I play a cowboy character
who’s kind of ignorant and just tells it like it is, and he tells things
to go on and git. We’re going to use
a teleprompter thing, an app that I got. I don’t know if it’s
going to work or not, so just bear with us. Here is “Go On, Git.” Hey, guys.
It’s time for “Go On, Git.” Is this Grandpa Juvonen’s hat?
-Dad. -It’s your dad’s hat.
-Mm-hmm. -So, this is an actual, real
cowboy’s hat. -Definitely. -And I put
my cowboy boots on that I got a couple years ago, and it took me
about an hour to put them on. And I think I’m just gonna
have to leave them on all week. Alright, here we go. That’s our teleprompter thing
that we’re using right now, and we’ll see if it works. Alright, it’s time for “Go –”
Oh, here we go. It can be hard to say goodbye,
but sometimes, you have to. And there are a few things
I’d like to say goodbye to right now. It’s time for “Go On –”
It’s not working. It’s time for “Go On –”
Here we go. It can be hard to say goodbye,
but sometimes, you have to. And there are a few things
I like to say goodbye to right now. It’s time for “Go On, Git.” ♪♪ Go on, git, every single company
sending e-mails about what they’re doing to
“deal” with coronavirus. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad everyone’s
being careful at the Sacramento
Holiday Inn Express I went to one time on a road trip in 2006, but I didn’t need an e-mail
telling me about the complimentary mini-muffin bar will be closed
until further notice. Now, go on, git
to the spam folder. ♪♪ Go on, git,
insanely cheap plane tickets. Oh, really?
Flights to Miami are $17? You don’t say. You know damn well that
it’s irresponsible to take a nonessential flight
right now. Then again, $17 to Miami. I mean, the Cuban sandwiches
there are — No! I turn my back on you,
♪♪ Go on, git,
organic peanut butter. You ain’t nothing but a dang
swimming pool of oil. I got to stir you around,
stir you, and stir you around. Git.
♪♪ Go on, git, seasonal allergies.
Read the ding-dang room. This is not the right
time for you to be showing up. Usually,
you’re a minor annoyance, but now one sneeze,
and my family is changing into hazmat suits and making me sleep
in the dang-dung basement. So go on, git,
seasonal allergies and take pet dander with you. ♪♪ Go on, git, spam phone calls, calling me from
my own dang number. I know it’s probably a scam, but I can’t take
the chance and not pick up. What if it’s me from the future, and I need help because
I’m trapped in a basement? How long have I been in there? Don’t worry, future me. I’m coming for you…unless
it is a spam number. Then why don’t you go on, git. Alright, everybody.
That’s been “Go On, Git.” Hopefully you enjoyed it. We’ll be right back
with more “Tonight Show.” ♪♪ -Is this thing working?
-[ Laughs ] -Oh, what’s up, Jimmy Fallon? Do you want me to turn
my screen sideways, as well? I can do that. -Ooh. -Does that work for you? -Yeah, definitely works
for me, man. What are you doing it on,
a laptop, or you got an iPad? -I’ve got an iPhone, man. I’m in San Francisco.
That’s where I am. [ Laughs ]
-This does — Are you really in — You shouldn’t be outside.
You’re on lockdown. -Oh, man. What’s going on?
Are we starting yet? When are we starting? -This could be starting
right now. It’s so good to see
your face, man. How are you dealing? Where are you right now?
-I’m actually at home. Don’t get disappointed.
Hold on. I’m gonna try to show you —
I’ve never used this before. I’m trying to find — Hold on. I can — “None.” So, yeah, I’m actually at home. I’m sorry.
-Ah, beautiful. -Are you in, like, a cabin? Where is this place? Have you been kidnapped? -No, no, no. I’m totally —
This is home. I’m in like kind of a —
It’s like a guest room, but it looks
like a cabin type of room. -Who are your guests? Hunters? [ Both laugh ] -Dude, this has all changed
since the quarantine started. This was just a normal room, and now I’ve become, like,
a hunter-gatherer type of thing. -Right.
This is like you preparing for the new world
post-the coronavirus apocalypse. -Oh, dude, I’m making weapons
out of tripods and everything. I don’t know what — How are you handling
the social distancing and the self-quarantining
and all that? -I’m not gonna lie to you,
Jimmy. I haven’t noticed any difference
in my life. I am genuinely — I’m not even
trying to be funny here. Some people are gonna say
this is a joke. There’s no jokes. Like, I have experienced
no change in my world. So, my whole life I’ve been
an indoor kid, right? I love playing outside,
but I was like the — My mom had to chase me
out of the house to go and play with other kids, ’cause I was like,
I wanted to be at home. I wanted to play video games,
and I wanted to watch TV. I don’t go outside. I don’t need to go outside. Like, people always — You know
how people will be like, “But it’s such a beautiful day.
Why don’t you go outside?” No. I don’t care. -Really? You like being inside? -I don’t like being inside.
I love being inside. I live inside. That’s me. So I — Like, my life
hasn’t changed other than the stress of
what’s happening in the world. Like, just — ’cause I feel
for what’s happening. I’m worried about what’s gonna
happen in the world for people economically. You know, I think
on a health level, we’re probably gonna
get this thing under control. But I worry about the effects for the —
just every economy in the world and how that affects
the poorest people first. That’s the thing
that stresses me out. But, like, for me,
I’m not even gonna lie to you and say I have been stressed
in any way. I am completely fine. I also started
intermittent fasting just before coronavirus started,
so I — I don’t eat — ’cause I realized
I don’t need to eat. I realized someone tricked me
into believing that I need three meals
or five meals a day or something like that. So now I eat — I don’t eat
for 18 hours in a day, and then I’ll eat
for, like, the rest of the — But I eat like a few things,
and then I’m done. My mom does the same thing. -I started that
like two weeks ago, and then when this happened, I stocked up on so much food that I — I’ve never eaten
more in my life. I’ve never eaten more food, because I don’t want it
to go to waste, and I go, “You’re not gonna
to finish that? You can’t waste it. This is —
We need it now more than ever.” And I just — I’m eating
like six — six meals a day. -No, my friend. No,
I’ve done the complete opposite, ’cause my thing is
I didn’t buy — I didn’t buy a bunch of stuff.
Like, I think — I get why people were panicking,
but you know what it is? Living in New York
has taught me not to panic because people panic every year.
When they say, like, there’s gonna be a blizzard,
then people rush out. And I’ve noticed people —
Maybe this is an American thing. People don’t know
what to buy in an emergency. -[ Laughs ] -That’s what I’ve noticed. -I totally agree,
because you’ve seen it or because you’ve done it? -No, because I’ve seen it.
-Yeah. -Like, when people say there’s
gonna be a blizzard in New York, and they say it’s gonna be
like 12 inches of snow, and we might not be able
to go anywhere, I’ve seen people buy — Like, they rush out,
and all the bread is gone. Bread is the worst thing
to buy for a disaster. Like, bread is — it’s — There’s mold.
-It doesn’t last. -It doesn’t last.
-No, I agree. -And then, like now
with coronavirus, people are buying toilet paper like coronavirus is going to
make you just go on a rampage in the bathroom or something. You don’t need
that much toilet paper. -Yeah, it’s a lot
of toilet paper talk. My friend bought four
giant things of canola oil, and I go, “Wow. Do you plan on deep frying? I mean, what’s — what’s happening
in your quarantine?” [ Both laugh ] It’s — they go, “I don’t know. I just bought it
’cause it was there.” -I realized,
you know what it is? The problem with coronavirus
is that it’s invisible, ’cause if coronavirus
was zombies, we wouldn’t be acting like this. -[ Laughs ] Yeah.
-Like, if coronavirus was actual zombies
walking through the streets, no one would be like,
“I’ll take my chances.” -Yeah. No, exactly. They would be locking
their door 10 times. And — yeah, you’re right. So, yeah, that’s a good idea. Pretend there are zombies
out there. Is it — Is it —
I know Comedy Central is now airing your show
on Comedy Central, which is awesome,
’cause a lot of people don’t have the Internet
or don’t understand it, like people like
I would say my dad. So he’s so happy
to have my show on TV. He’s like,
“Finally I can watch.” Is it odd telling jokes
with no laughter? -Yeah, it’s very weird,
because I’ve — one of the first things I did
was work as a stand-up comedian. That’s been my career for, what,
going on 14, 15 years now. So it’s —
I’ve never told jokes — I’ve never just
told jokes to myself. That’s like the first sign
of madness in my opinion. So I’ve never stood in front
of the mirror and been like, “You see what happened today?” I’ve never done that.
So it’s weird. -I used to practice —
I used to practice my stand-up. There was a piece of brick wall in my apartment
where I lived in L.A., and I had a mic stand, and I stood in front
of the brick wall. -Are you serious?
-And used to do acts in my bedroom by myself,
my whole routine. -That is —
So you’re made for this, then. -Yeah, this is —
Finally, this is my — I finally found my medium.
-You’re the corona king. You’re the corona king.
No, like, it’s weird. It’s weird doing the show
without an audience, because I think
it’s always a reminder — After like every joke
or every moment, it’s always a reminder of
the time we’re living through. You know? So —
-Yeah. -The thing I’m trying to do is I’m trying
to inform my audience. I’m trying to stay informed.
I still don’t believe anybody should be watching news
24 hours a day, because the truth is
news has to tell you news. So they’re gonna find bad things
to tell you for 24 hours
to make the thing continue. -That’s correct.
-But I don’t think it’s healthy. So for me, I go, hey, I know
a lot of people watch my show because they just want
to catch up on essential news, and then they want to carry on
living their lives. And I — I’m honored that people
would have me provide that. So that’s what I do.
I work with my team. Everyone’s at home.
We make the show. It’s weird
because you just say a thing, and then nothing happens. Like, this is great right now.
This is like — -You get a little
back and forth, exactly. -Yeah.
-I’m loving this, yeah. It’s good that you’re doing this
and making a lot of people — You know, again, the severity
of what’s happening, but also it provides
a little bit of balance. So thank you.
-Yeah, because I think that’s the thing is
we have to remember the balance. We’re not staying at home
because everyone’s gonna die. We’re doing this preemptively. We’re trying to prevent
a disaster from happening, and so we have to do
the boring thing. Prevention is always boring. -Yeah.
-You know what I mean? -That’s not the part
of the zombie movie you like. -Exactly. Exactly. Nobody — Like, in the beginning
of a zombie movie, there’s always the doctor
who’s like, “We need to quarantine
everybody. There’s something spreading.” And they’re like,
“Shut up, Klaus!” -[ Laughs ]
-You know what I mean? -Yeah, he’s not anyone’s
favorite character. -Yeah. And then when the zombie
outbreak happens, then he’s like,
“I tried to warn everybody.” -Yeah, and then they —
and he gets attacked. -Exactly. Yeah. “Aah.” -Yeah. The charity that we’re
mentioning tonight is No Kid Hungry. -Yes. -Why this charity? -Well, here’s the thing. There are millions
of kids in America who get their food from school. There are millions
of kids in America who might get one of their only
nutritious meals at school. And in closing the schools,
which I understand was necessary for many people,
we also have to acknowledge how many children now no longer
have access to that one meal or that one nutritious meal
that they were having every day. And I think it’s really
important for us, especially in
this moment in time, to try and support those
in our communities who are the most
affected by this — people who don’t earn
a lot of money, people who are low-income. This is all throughout
the country, you know, from Idaho
to New York, from California through
to Kentucky and Delaware. There are people — The people
who are gonna get affected first and the most are people
who have the lowest incomes, people who don’t earn the most, people who live
from paycheck to paycheck. So for me, you know, feeding kids is something
you take for granted. I know what it was like
to grow up in a home where we didn’t have food
all the time. I know what it was like to go for two or three nights
not eating, and I don’t think any kid should
ever have to go through that. So for me, you know, I think
whatever we can contribute — and it’s — a little — you know, a lot of a little
makes a lot. And so for me,
it’s everyone just chipping in and saying, “Hey, we’ll help.
We’ll help feed these kids. Let’s keep the kids fed.” Think about their parents,
who are oftentimes working in the industries that we need them
to stay in right now. People who don’t earn
minimum wage or maybe just earn minimum wage, working in grocery stores
that you need to stay open, working in pharmacies that
you need to stay open, working in all of these places you need to stay open
to survive. They also have kids. Their kids might have been
getting food from their schools. So for me, I think everyone, if
possible, whatever you can give. I know not everybody can,
but everyone who can give, try and give a little.
-Whatever you can give. Even a dollar, anything is
just — Everything matters. So please, right now,
they would love it. Trevor, you’re the best
for doing this, buddy. Thank you for doing your show,
but thank you for doing my show. And keep up and
keep people balanced, please. Thank you so much for everything
you’re doing, buddy. -Thank you, Jimmy.
Thank you so much. And I’m gonna send the police
to your house, ’cause I think someone’s buried
in the basement. If I look at that room,
and the FBI told me that they found someone
in that house, I’d be like, “How did nobody know
someone was in that house?” -This is — This is like —
is it like “Misery”? Thanks so much, bud.
I appreciate this. -I’m heading back
to San Francisco now. So, enjoy being stuck
in your house. -Wow, you got there fast. -Say hi to Gavin for me.
-You enjoy yourself in your house, Jimmy Fallon.
-Bye, buddy. Bye, buddy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. -Alright, cool. ♪♪ -Yo.
-What’s up, man? -Yo, come on!
-[ Laughs ] Ah, man. -What did do you?
What did you do? Oh, my gosh. -Man, man. Life, man. I just wanted to do something
good for people, and it turned into something
really good. So unexpected. -It was really good. I loved it so much. D-Nice, it’s an honor. Thank you so much
for doing this. I appreciate you doing “The
Tonight Show” at-home edition. What you’re doing is
exactly what we need. You’re bringing people up. You’re lifting people’s spirits. I got an e-mail from a friend
that said, “Do you see what
D-Nice is doing right now?” And I was like, “What?” And they’re like, “He’s
deejaying for like nine hours. This dance party thing,”
and I go, “What?” So I went to your live
Instagram, and when I was there, it was already — I mean, first
of all, how did it come about? Let’s start there. -It started — I was sitting
here at home, you know, just — I was alone and, you know,
I wanted to just play music for my friends and I had
a small Instagram following, you know, and I wanted to play
it for, like, my friends, you know,
and create an Instagram live, and I was deejaying, and it was
just like people, you know, from the music industry. You know,
Questlove would pop in. Black Thought —
actually Black Thought was the one that was like, “Yo, you should just play
some music, D. Let’s do it.” And it was a small group
of like 200 people, and then it turned — the next
day it was 2,000 people. Then the day after that
it was 12,000 people. And then Friday was
the one where it was, like, “Wow, there’s 25,000 people
in here.” Then all of a sudden J. Lo
popped in and I was like, “Wait, J. Lo’s in here?” And then 10 minutes later, Drake was in there
and I was like, “Wow.” -Oh, this is a party.
-“This could be something.” And then Saturday was — you know, I mean,
it was like 100,000 people. -Oh, my goodness! That’s when I checked it out. It was 100,000. It was like — I was like,
“This is so much fun.” When I was there,
Kamala Harris jumped in. Buju Banton was there. -Yes.
[ Laughs ] -It was like the craziest mix of
people coming together. -Joe Biden. You know,
Michelle Obama was there. Janet Jackson was there.
-Ellen DeGeneres. Were you nervous knowing that
Michelle Obama was in there? -I was. I was nervous and even
though I deejayed for them, I played, you know, the second
to the last party at the White House
and did the inaugural ball, there was something about, like,
in that setting where I’m, like, really at home. Like, this is my kitchen. -Wow.
-I’m deejaying in my kitchen, and something
that I was doing in my kitchen was able to touch the world. Like, it was just beautiful. It was beautiful.
-It really was a great thing. I loved it so much. #clubquarantine is what
everyone was calling it. And it was the number-one
worldwide trend. -Wow.
[ Laughs ] -It was just — Did you, like, get nervous when
the numbers started going up and you kept seeing all those
hearts flying around, like — -I saw the hearts flying around,
and I wasn’t nervous because I was —
my core friends that we started this with
were still in there. So it was the average person. Then there was Kelly Rowland,
and it was — but Kelly — they had been there and they
were, like, cheering it on, like, oh, my gosh, because we
had never maxed 25,000. It was like let’s see
if we can get it to 30,000. Oh, my gosh, we’re at 30,000,
and it just kept climbing. When it reached like —
it was 98,000 people, and then all of a sudden,
Mark Zuckerberg logged in, and we were like, “Wait, Mark,
what are you doing here? Please don’t shut us off.
Let us get to 100,000.” And he posted —
he posted “You got this,” and as soon as it hit 100,000,
everyone just went crazy. I was in here like,
oh, my gosh, like — -I mean, it’s — I mean,
’cause as a deejay, you feed off the crowd, right? -Yes. -But you have no crowd
in your kitchen. Did you still get the same type
of excitement or more? -I received the same type of
excitement, but it’s — actually
I would say more. You know why? Because when you’re feeding off
of the crowd, you’re trying to
play for the crowd. I’m watching body languages,
and I’m trying to get them — I want them to hear
what they want. 100,000 people were in that live
to hear what I wanted to play, like, and I was able to play
from my heart. I love music,
so I was able to play — stop the music
and play Kenny Rogers. You would never hear
Kenny Rogers in a hip-hop club. So I was able to
just do what I love, and it was beautiful
to experience. -What’s next? Are there gonna be
more dance parties? What’s next? -Man, I have one on Wednesday. I’m trying to do them
maybe like every other day. Not every day the way
I was doing it. I didn’t expect it
to become this, but, you know, just give people a break and
allow them to be more excited about it and, look, it’s just
been a beautiful thing. I want to continue. As long as we’re doing this,
as long as we’re quarantined, at least do my part,
which is through entertainment to touch people,
to bring people together. -Exactly right,
and that’s what you’re doing, and I can’t even tell you. So Wednesday night,
what time should we tune in? -3:00 p.m. Pacific time,
6:00 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I’m just going to go in,
like, after work, people get to hear music
and dance together. -It’s on Instagram.
Follow @dnice, one word. -Yes. -And it was so enjoyable and I
can’t tell you how happy I was. I was yelling at you through
my phone like, “Yes, go!” It was so great. I loved it. You made so many people happy. I can’t even tell you,
like, how it’s — to go worldwide like that,
you got to be proud, and thank you for doing
what you’re doing. It was so cool.
-Thank you. I appreciate you, man.
I appreciate you. -I’m a big fan. Bye, buddy.
Thank you. -Bye, buddy. Peace. -Thank you guys
so much for watching. Nokidhungry.org. Please, go donate.
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